Written by J.J.

Christmas is that one time each year when we collectively open the box and look inside. What are we expecting?  It's a marker in time that prompts evaluation of our lives. What's in that box? It's a celebration that tempts us to compare. How have our lives changed and evolved? Are we welcoming new family members? Finding new meaning in the season? Are we coping with loss or difficult change?  In the beginning there was the myth of Christmas magic and what have we now? The coming and going of Christmas day stays constant but events and expectations in our lives change.  

Holiday music, like "I'll be home for Christmas," encourages us to reflect nostalgically and focuses us on idealized family. For some, the Christmas box will seem full of love and hope for the future. Other boxes won't meet our expectations.  Some of us will enjoy reflection during this holiday and others may slide into Christmas Blues. Are you blue? I like the advice in Shari Stritof's blog on how to handle holidays after a loss. Check her out.  You might also be interested in Everydayhealth.com's ideas for coping with holiday depression.

Maybe you know a "Bah, humbug!"? Charles Dickens' 1843 novel, "A Christmas Carol," still resonates with us today in its themes of greed, disregard for the less fortunate, and our subconscious urgings to be generous of spirit and giving during the holiday. Dickens' tale dramatizes Scrooge's gaze into the "box" and leads us on a ghostly evaluation of his life trajectory. Today, over a 150 years later, the concept of reflecting on our lives and values at Christmastime is still a strong tradition.

What are you expecting this year? Have you taken time to consider what's in your box?  Are you measuring the distance between today's tinsel and yesterday's sugar cookies? If so, your perceptions and conclusions may become the foundation for New Year's resolutions. Whether you believe in magic or not would you agree that Christmas holds a special power throughout our lives? Depending on how we use that power it can help us to re-evaluate our priorities, transcend expectations and open our hearts.  Merry Christmas, readers. May your season be warm and loving and may your boxes contain joy and peace.

Written by J.J.

Have you come to the phase in your life when you wonder, "Who will take care of me if I'm no longer able?" Hopefully we'll all enjoy strong and healthy later years however, looking around, we see that people needing help and know it could happen to us. Divorce, decisions to stay single or not to have children, family estrangements, family on other continents or the death of close friends and relatives complicate the question of finding someone to care for and support us as we age. Usually, children are the chief caregivers but boomers tend to be childless more than any previous generation--by some estimates at a rate of 25%--and, because of the special complications of childless aging, this blog will focus on how those elders (and soon to be elders) might meet the challenge.

Columnists and web sites are already talking about strategies childless adults should pursue to ensure they're cared for if their health declines. Some tactics are common to every aging lifestyle such as developing your estate planning and designating a trusted power of attorney , buying long term care insurance, or moving now to a community you can navigate if your health declines.  Some are more creative such as living in a community of friends, sharing a house,  or forming family-like care networks.  Childless couples may put little focus on creative strategies because they expect to rely on their partner or spouse. Hopefully that option will always be available but if they divorce, both fall ill, or become widowed-- provisions for care become a concern. Planning now will relieve some of the anxiety of a difficult transition. Single people have more immediate worries such as:  who to call if help is needed in the middle of the night, who will notice if they fail to come home, who caretakes after an operation, and who will recognize forgetfullness or the subtle beginnings of illness?  Growing old can be a challenging journey but it becomes more complex without children to offer support and caring.

Sociologist, Ingrid Connidis, sees a counterbalance in the nature of childless adults. She states that, "...childless people tend to be engaged with their families — parents, siblings, nieces and nephews — and develop a good network of friends." And, while she acknowledges that the growing population of aging and childless adults requires more services, she also points out that people without children are free from the stresses, both emotional and financial, that impact parents. In her professional experience childless adults tend to enjoy happiness and well being in later life, control enough resources to purchase help and nurture support networks to rely on if their health fails. If you're childless consider where you are now and where you may be in ten years. Are you already involved in a strong social network and have you invested in long term strategies that ensure safe aging?

I like Karen the notmom.com's cheerleading pragmatism. She's right. Boomers are redefining everything about aging. They're blazing new paths as they progress diverse and alternative lifestyles into their 60's, 70's, 80's and beyond.  But doing aging right is like doing anything right it--it takes research, planning and followthrough. If you don't have a plan then today isn't too early to start forming one. In fact, childless adults may need to do more planning then friends with children. They may even need to be more intentional in building reliable social networks. But the anxiety of special challenges facing aging childless adults may actually lead them to become more prepared to age and ultimately ensure that they'll be ready for the uncertainties ahead. No Children? No problem if you've got a good plan.

Update Dec 2013 Good article from the Atlantic on how cities need to plan for aging single residents.

TIAA-CREF's guide to single retirement

Virtual Villages are bonding neighborhoods and providing affordable ways for single elders to age in place.

Update February 2014 Great article from the New York Times profiling aging lives of people who are childless.

Update May 2014 Worlds oldest living man never had children and says that decision is part of reason he holds the record!

Update April 2015 Co-housing for elders as a solution for childless adults?