One November night I was stopping for a cup of coffee at a drive thru anticipating the nearly 100 miles between myself and home. When I got to the window the clerk told me my coffee had been paid for by the previous customer. Surprised, grateful, maybe even a little confused, I took my drink and drove into the dark. It was easy to imagine that a stranger or an angel had just wished me a safe trip home. Charitable giving is usually measured in dollars but that single cup of coffee caused me to consider the incredible power of simple good will.
Maybe you've been kind to a stranger or the recipient of someone's random kindness like I was at the coffee drive thru? "Paying it forward," as that custom is called, is a way to give and a charitable way to live. The concept, coined in the early 20th century, proposes we repay favors by gifting someone else. It's modern incarnation was inspired by a turn of the century book, a recent movie, and the global Pay it Forward Foundation. Both sides of that equation can be enjoyable because they give us a feeling of hope and connection. They strengthen the good will in our world. “It’s about giving, and letting people see not everybody is bad, and there are nice people out there and maybe we can turn it around,” says an optician, quoted in the New York Times, who pays it forward weekly.
Charley Johnson, Pay It Forward Foundation president, says that the only thing that people want universally is to make our world better. In his defining speech he explains that his movement answers a major need, "What we need," he tells a TED Talks audience, "is a simple way for the tens of millions of people on the face of this planet, that want to make the world better but don’t know what to do,.. to get started very easily, very simply." Every few days the Pay It Forward Foundation posts a suggestion such as "send someone a happy text" or "hug a stranger." Johnson believes that giving small gifts to strangers, from random smiles to cups of coffee, can foster a better world by creating interconnections that prompt a wave of good deeds.
Lewis Hyde, a MacArthur Genius writing about the historical practice of giving, writes, "Not surprisingly, people live differently who treat a portion of their wealth as a gift. To begin with, unlike the sale of a commodity, the giving of a gift tends to establish a relationship between the parties involved. Furthermore, when gifts circulate within a group, their commerce leaves a series of interconnected relationships in its wake, and a kind of decentralized cohesiveness emerges." However, the spirit of the gift, Hyde says, can only exist if gifts continually move from one to another as, for example, they do when we "pay it forward" or gift a charity.
Though connectedness is a goal of paying it forward many people pay it forward in settings where they can remain anonymous like drive up lines. That's an interesting 21st century twist-the need to be anonymous in generosity. There's a similar anonymity involved in the flash mob phenomenon. Have you ever been involved in one? Flash mobs were originally gatherings that occurred suddenly-- in public---, performed something with no particular purpose, then, dispersed. As they've evolved, however, their aims are similar in spirit to paying it forward. They aim to break down public barriers, humanize impersonal spaces, and create positive shared public moments for a better world.
Check out this flash mob filmed on a Copenhagen metro and organized by the Copenhagen Philharmonic Orchestra. Anyone living in a metropolitan area sees and feels the emotional power of this moment on a morning train. In fact over 6 million people have been drawn to watch it on you tube. Something similar happened in an Australian Central Station in 2011 and in the Antwerp Central Station in 2009. In both examples, ordinarily dressed people emerge from the anonymous crowd and, through their shared performance, create a provocative and cohesive unit. At times it's hard to distinguish who is a planned participant and who is just pulled in by the delicious, joyful performance! Unlike individual acts of giving the collectivity of a flash mob can give warmth to sterile public spaces and open/close the curtain of public anonymity making the world seem more connected if only for the moments until participants disappear into the crowd.
Anonymity and the atmosphere of isolation it creates isn't solely a condition caused by growing populations or our modern society. Anonymity is caused by collectively choosing to be isolated as members of the public and, often, stigmatizing or mistrusting individuals who break that barrier. In some ways it may serve a purpose however our social connectedness, or, rather, the lack of it impacts our health. Higher levels of perceived social connection can moderate blood pressure, lower stress, and improve our immune responses. Most research has focused on our connections to groups and friends but our connection to the world around us, our public, has a definite impact on our generalized well being and viewpoint on life. How safe do we feel when we walk down the street? How trusting are we of strangers?
In this season of giving, as we prepare to pass presents to friends, neighbors, and family may we also cultivate hope and goodwill by acknowledging and/or giving to strangers. Our communities are strengthened by simple gestures like sharing more smiles with others or saying hello while standing in a line, riding an elevator, or waiting for the walk sign. If Paying it Forward president Charley Johnson is right that we all just want to make the world a better place then I know now that it won't take money to do that as much as it'll take many people offering their time and courage to spread simple goodwill. Whether anonymously or face to face I'm Paying it Forward from now on. Will you join me?
