Maybe you're taking care of an aging parent and you've heard this line before, "It seems like there was something I was going to tell you..." Maybe you've been hearing yourself say that! Forgetfulness happens to everyone but, if you're like me, you begin to wonder, as you age, what kind of forgetfulness should concern you. Or, if, like me, you're around other people experiencing forgetfullness then perhaps there are days when you wonder how you can strengthen your patience.
It's one thing to help someone else with a problem and quite another to grapple with it yourself. If you're questioning your own forgetfulness you might experience a phase of rationalization. Here are the rationalizations I go through when forgetfulness happens in my life: 1) There's too much going on, 2) I need more sleep, 3) It must not have been important enough to remember, 4) It happened a long time ago 5) It will come back to me. I do have a better memory when I'm getting enough sleep, feeling calm, less busy, and placing focus on things that need to be recalled but if I'm having trouble remembering something I can't necessarily rely on remembering it later. Sometimes the memory is just gone. Example: a scrap of paper found in my wallet reads: Carl- 352-9927. "Carl" I say to myself over and over. What on earth was this about? Know what I mean?
Maybe you don't know what I mean! The possibility that we're alone in our experiences of forgetfulness is one worry in a whole set of fears associated with memory loss that can lead to increasing social isolation. Frequent forgetting can separate us from enjoying memories with others or cause us to try to hide our lost recall. If you forget a lot or are around someone else's forgetfulness you may have begun to consider how profoundly our lives and identities hinge on shared memories. Failing to remember that beautiful day last year or the hilarious moment on a past vacation can be vexing for the person searching for memory but it may call into question something as fundamental as the mutuality of the moment for the friend or partner who experienced those events with you. "Can't you remember that? I thought you'd never forget," your partner may say dejectedly, hurtfully.
If memory loss is troubling you or someone you care about there are great online resources to help you decide what kind of forgetfulness may be progressive and cause for concern. If someone you care about is having memory loss and you need to develop more patience-- try to step back from your own reactions and consider the fears and rationalizations that underlie forgetfulness. Take a deep breath. Memory loss is a condition that demands our understanding. Statements that begin with intent and wither from missing information are, at root, attempts to communicate, reach out, connect, and interact so be gentle with yourself and with people you love. Remembering is about sharing our lives and memories, forgetting is an invitation to exercise caring and compassion.
Update July 2014: The Alzheimer's Asso has ten steps for checking to see if your memory problems could be dementia related.
